You Ruined My Life


posted by on Divorce Encouragement

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My divorce has been in the ancient history books for a long time. I know the experience has made me a different person than I was before it happened. God has used my divorce to bring encouragement to a lot of folks, so I am mostly settled into being thankful for the experience, and I am pretty settled on forgiveness, grace and ambivalence toward the people who might have been a party to the end of my former marriage. But something happened a few years ago that was life-changing for me
and it has brought me to a place where I am determined to make some changes in my feelings and outlook moving forward. About three years ago, a very close family member broke up her family and filed for divorce, choosing to refuse any godly intervention from us or anyone else, thereby effectively ending our relationship.

Now, our estranged family member has expressed her hostile and hurt feelings to us, and she really believes that we ruined her life. I have tried to maintain a cordial relationship with this person, but invariably I cannot overcome their deeply embedded feelings toward me, which are “You ruined my life”.

I have come to the conclusion, after three years of having someone spew these hardened feelings toward me, that I am simply not going to allow those feelings into my life anymore. I have come to the conclusion that; if Romans 8:28 is really true, if “God works ALL things together for good, to those who are called and chosen according to His purpose”, then I am simply going to stop believing it is even possible to ruin another person’s life, regardless of another person’s intent to do that, or not…

I know I’m accountable to the Lord for obedience in my decisions. I know I must work to be gracious and kind. I must continue to look for opportunities to extend grace to everyone. But I’m simply not going to be a hater and I’m not going to be thrown under the bus emotionally by those who choose to hate me. I’m going to forgive those who believe that I might have ruined their life, and I’m never going to believe that anyone else has ruined my life either.

If you’re carrying some feelings of anger toward someone who has hurt you, those feelings might be fully justified. But I hope you understand that carrying your feelings of resentment beyond their useful purpose, and believing for too long that someone has ruined your life, is really tantamount to deciding that God isn’t powerful enough to bring you a new future, and that simply isn’t true.

I’m letting go of those destructive feelings, and I want to encourage you to think about that as well. If you’ve been harboring some feelings that another person has “Ruined your life”, it might be time to let those feelings go. Those are my thoughts, I’d love to hear yours…

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  1. randee

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