What Is Emotional Availability?

May
2011
29

posted by on Relationship Encouragement

No comments

I work with someone who has taken our Grace for Divorce class a couple of times, and we got into a discussion over the subject of “Emotional availability”. This is a subject I cover briefly in our book, Working Through The Crisis, but I felt like I might need to discuss it again. Emotional availability is the term I use to describe the willingness of a woman to physically and emotionally lose herself in falling in love with a man. And this is no small deal because I believe it’s the genuine, total bonded love of a woman for a man that provides much of the glue that holds a marriage together…
See, I don’t really believe that men are very good at “Losing themselves in love”. I think that a godly man does better at “deciding” to love a woman. A godly man mostly makes a commitment to a woman, and he keeps the commitment once he’s made it. But, for a man to lose much of his identity in his profound love for his woman is often a sign of neediness rather than true masculine love.

This neediness is not very pretty, over the long term, and it often causes a woman to lose respect for a man. Our experience shows that a woman who loses respect will not be very happy in a relationship, and she will often entertain thoughts of bailing out of the relationship. So I want to encourage every man reading this to be decisive, committed and courageous enough to love and serve a woman correctly if you ever decide to enter into another courtship and marriage.

I want to bring a voice of encouragement to every woman reading this as well, because you might be wondering if you could or would ever be willing or able to lose yourself in love to a man again. As I’ve watched women become healthy after a divorce, I’ve noticed one consistent thing. A woman often has a fear at the beginning of a relationship with a good man, and she is extremely hesitant to let man have access to the deep places of her heart. But there is also a desire within most every woman, to love deeply and committedly, so it usually becomes a process in a particular love experience where she first has to decide over the course of time, that she wants to give herself over to a man at all, then she must decide that she wants to give herself over to THIS man!

So, ladies, if you’re not there yet, don’t worry about it. You never really need to get there.  You simply mustn’t ever talk yourself into marriage if you cannot lose yourself in love to a man, because that’s just another disaster waiting to happen for both of you. Trust me, nobody wants that. That’s my opinion, I’d love to hear yours!

Tags: , , ,

Leave a Reply