The Safety of Impossible Relationships


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This is Joanne. As I’m re-reading the book, “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend, this quote jumped out at me… “The fear of the unknown often sets up within us a very powerful internal resistance to setting personal boundaries in our relationships. Being controlled by others is a safe prison. In a safe prison, at least we know where all the rooms are. One woman said to us, ‘I didn’t want to move out of hell, because I knew the names of all the streets!” Stopping to reflect on that, I realized how true it often is.
We all find ourselves either in relationships, or in situations that require some kind of change from us, yet we are reluctant to make those necessary changes because we fear the unknown. We’re afraid we won’t have all the answers anymore if we do something different. Even though the answers we have now aren’t working for us, we find we don’t want to change them because they’re familiar and comfortable…

Since our ministry is to single and divorced adults, we often see these impossible relationships come in the form of former spouses, former in-laws, former stepchildren, etc… Impossible and controlling relationships can come from anywhere, and they tend to remain in the lives of those who have more docile and tolerant personalities. Sometimes the change that is required in these impossible relationships is that we assert Godly authority and simply not allow the controlling behavior anymore, and sometimes the proper action is to simply rid our lives of these stale, degrading and difficult people.

Hard as that may sound, if this conversation is ringing true with you, chances are that a change is required somewhere. Your life won’t get any different if you keep it the same. Proverbs 3:5&6 reads, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
In that verse lies the Bibilical foundation you need to make the change you need to make. The courage to make the change lies in overcoming the fear to make the change…

My suggestion is that you begin to pray about the required change. Begin to earnestly read your Bible and ask for God’s wisdom and direction. Open your ears to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, and pray for a heart to obey God’s direction for the change you know is overdue. Share your situation with a few trusted brothers or sisters in Christ, so you have some prayer support and counsel as you proceed. These friends will be the support and accountability you will need as you venture into unknown territory.

You must also know that, “If God is for you, no one can be against you”. As you make this required change, God will go ahead of you as your shield and He will follow behind you as your rear guard. You must overcome the voice of fear that will certainly come to you. Never discount the power of the enemy who wants to keep you stuck in the comfort level of your past. If the obedient thing is to move forward, his resistance is just smoke and mirrors, it will simply disappear if you challenge that resistance in godly authority.

If you need to assert some Godly authority in the area of a controlling person or situation in your life. I encourage you to, “Press onward, toward your high calling in Christ Jesus” and I’m looking forward to hearing from you, so I can encourage you personally…

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