Should a man be the provider?


posted by on Biblical Opinion, Christian Encouragement, Relationship Encouragement

No comments

Sue wrote in to ask:
Jeff, I was wondering what you thought about this. I was reading a book called, “His Needs, Her Needs” and it talked about how the Lord actually put into a woman’s DNA, the need to be provided for. Do you think a man should ask himself the question before he decides to marry someone, if he can provide for her? I mean, she is not his provider but his helper, correct?

I wrote: Sue, I agree. “His Needs, Her Needs” is one of those timeless books that we’ve recommended for a long time. And I believe that a man should set in his heart that he will always work steadily somewhere, before he ever makes himself available for the job of husband. But Sue, I also believe that a woman should require that a man has a long-term history of understanding his need to work, before she should ever consider him to be a candidate for being her husband.

You said that a woman’s DNA included a need to be provided for, and that comes from Genesis 3; where God told Adam and Eve exactly how their lives (and consequently the lives of everyone else) would change after they brought sin into the world. Genesis 3:16-19 briefly says, “God said to the woman: “I will multiply your pain in having children, your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Then God said to Adam, “Because you didn’t listen, and you ate the fruit I told you not to eat; the ground will be cursed for you. You will till and toil in it, and by your work it will provide enough bread for you and your wife to eat, but there will be thorns and thistles in the ground as well.”

So clearly, God commanded the man to work to provide for his family, but the woman of Proverbs 31 worked as well, bringing an income into her home. So it’s not wrong for a woman to work, but I believe the man needs to work somewhere, regardless of what the woman does… But this culture is all messed up… There are women who earn a lot of money, so they go to work and leave the husband to mind the children and the home… and these couples settle into roles that are polar opposite to the roles that he and she were Biblically designed to do; and then the woman often gets angry; and she loses respect for her husband. And the man gets frustrated because he’s not doing what he was meant to do either, so it often turns into a fight.

We know, in the world of single adults, a woman will sometimes encounter a man who seems to want someone who makes a lot of money, so she can provide for his needs. This seems frustrating and out-of-whack for the woman who wants a Biblically-balanced household. We see in our classes quite often, the aftermath of these unbalanced relationship situations that have turned into upside-down marriages and divorces. And it all goes back to God’s instruction to Adam and Eve, all those timeless centuries ago… So there it is, Sue… That’s the long answer to your short question, I hope it helps

Leave a Reply