Love, Respect and Remarriage


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In a relationship or marriage, a woman tends to crave love and a man tends to crave respect. When a woman feels unloved in a relationship or marriage, her anger will often rise up within her, she will tend to get disrespectful and she will often look for a fight. Conversely, when a man feels disrespected, he will generally become unloving and he will often fight. Those of us who counsel previously married folks know that friction and conflict between couples who’ve been married before can cause the more strongly-willed person to disengage from the relationship. Once a strong-willed person disengages, there often seems to be no way back for them to re-engage with the relationship.

So, for those of us who’ve been married before, I want you to understand that  your heart is different and perhaps less “adhesive or clingy” than it once was (it’s totally normal if that’s the case), but you must know that if you were to ever consider marriage again, both of you should thoroughly test your abilities to love and respect each other, denying the tendencies of your flesh to disrespect and unlove, no matter the personal cost. If we discover that either of us can’t be those kinds of people for the long term, we should do the honorable thing, and not make the vow to marry again.

I really want to be as positive and hopeful as I can possibly be, but as we age in this life, most of us (and most of the other single folks we’ll meet) are getting less flexible and less willing to give up personal space and personal opinion for the sake of another person. And that’s perfectly okay. My only point is, we should know the love and respect requirements of being husband or wife, and we shouldn’t take or give the job frivolously. Those are my thoughts; I’d love to hear yours.

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