Broken People Can Be A Whirlpool


posted by on Relationship Encouragement


All of us have probably tried to rescue a broken person at least once in our lives. Usually, we’ve tried to turn these folks around, only to find ourselves sucked into the spinning current of his or her life, realizing at some point that we can’t really help this person effectively, and wondering how we might extricate ourselves from the whirling circumstance we’ve been drawn into, before we drown.

All of us are caring people, when we observe someone who is caught up in a circumstance, calling out for help and spinning in a circle, we want to rescue them from their plight. However, in most cases, our rescue attempts prove to be futile because the gaping, bottomless hole into which our broken person is sinking, is much deeper than our meager abilities and resources can begin to fill. When we do apply our money or resources to these impossible situations, we often find that our broken person will simply squander those resources or use them unwisely.

Most of the time, when we take the time to discern the nature of the whirlpool our broken person is caught up in, we find the situation has gotten this bad, as a result of his or her long-standing pattern of bad decision making and poor management of basic life situations. As a result of this step by step pattern of bad choices, our broken person often calls out to us from a precarious position on the lower rungs of a descending spiral ladder, and when we reach into the depths of this situation to help, we find that we don’t pull our broken one up, but instead our broken one pulls us down.

Since most of our work is directed toward single adults who are often seeking a relationship with a person of the opposite sex, we want to talk about choosing a romantic relationship with a whole and complete person, rather than choosing someone who is broken and needy; someone who will suck you into the whirlpool of his or her pattern of deception and failure.

Now, before you decide that I’m just being harsh and judgmental of broken people, I want to make a very clear distinction between a controllable ministry friendship with a broken person of your same gender, and a misguided, uncontrollable romantic missionary relationship with a broken person of the opposite sex. You might find yourself drawn into the unfixable whirlpool of a same-sex friend or family member and the experience will usually leave you poorer but wiser.

The experience of nearly drowning in the spinning whirlpool created by someone of your family or gender will usually teach you the ongoing need for good judgment, good boundaries and ministry distance… However, nearly drowning in the bottomless whirlpool created by someone of the opposite sex will usually leave you devastated, heartbroken and often, divorced.

“He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered.”  Proverbs 28:26.

This passage of Scripture tells us that we can be fooled by our own hearts, into over-investing in someone’s self-created whirlpool lifestyle. Now, please don’t assume that I’m saying we should never invest in anyone, lest we might get burned in a relationship. We know that every relationship will carry with it some risk of hurt along with its chance of success. I’m simply saying that our time and emotions are valuable, and we must walk very wisely and consider very carefully, whether the investment of our resources in a romantic relationship with a particular person will ever produce a successful outcome.

I get into trouble when I make a romantic relationship sound too much like a business decision, but the truth is that we can be easily fooled by the opposite sex, because our minds and hearts simply do not operate on the same wavelength. If you are a woman, a man can fool you for several reasons… 1. You instinctively want the romance, security and companionship that a relationship with him will bring you.  2. Your brain is wired completely differently from his, so you won’t always notice that the portrait of his words might not match the picture of his reality… If you’re a man, a woman can fool you for many of the same reasons, except that a woman is usually fooled by her feelings and a man is usually fooled by his eyes and his fleshly appetites.

Solomon said, in Proverbs 24:6, “There is safety in a multitude of counselors.” If you are considering an investment of your valuable time and resources in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, I encourage you to check out this person’s history and be wary of holes and whirlpools in his or her life. (These would include a history of relationship or financial irresponsibility, addictions, etc.) You should always expose your new relationship to your trusted friends of both genders and then be open to their feedback. See, a good man can usually spot from a mile away, another man who is a user or a taker, or who is hiding a secret life, and a good woman can usually do the same with another woman.

A good man or woman is someone who genuinely has his or her needs fulfilled in a vital and growing relationship with the Lord, so he or she will have something to give to others. Your goal is to be that person within your own life as a single adult for the long term. Even if you do that, you still won’t be guaranteed of meeting Mr. or Ms. Wonderful, but you’ll be much more fruitful while you are waiting. A contented, satisfied giver is also much less likely to fall romantically for a selfish taker who is caught up in a whirlpool of their own creation. Those are my thoughts; I’d love to hear yours.

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    • Nicole Gibson Brown Widergren
      • Jeff Brown

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