Ask questions to discover who you have

Aug
2013
14

posted by on Christian Encouragement, Relationship Encouragement

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Many of you recognize that you’ve gotten to this place of separation and divorce because you have made a poor choice in marriage. You’ve seen that your feelings, emotions and appetites have driven the bus and decided the direction of your life, and they have brought you to grief.

Now that you realize the sad consequences of those decisions, the most important thing you can learn is that you cannot follow your heart, you must learn to take control and lead your heart. You must not allow your feelings to drive your purpose in life. From now on you must place your feelings, emotions and appetites in the back seat of the bus and you must forcefully tell them where you are going.

For many of you, taking control of your heart will require a dynamic change in the way you make decisions.   Taking control of your heart will also require you to take the ultimate responsibility for the way you direct your life.

We know that romance requires a certain amount of giving yourself over to another person, and people do not come with a guarantee, but if you are to seek a new relationship and remarriage, we want to help you prepare for and make the best decision you can, and you must not allow yourself to be blindsided by someone simply because you:
A. Were not prepared within your heart to make a good decision.
B. Did not have a complete list of things to look for.
C. Did not ask probing questions and follow-up with long-term observation.

We’ve designed some interview questions to help you discover many of the innate and unchangeable traits, quirks and attributes of your potential new mate. The goal here is not to judge, and you should not ask every question in sequence on your first coffee date, but you should ask these questions (and more like them) relatively soon in your relationship.

If you continue to pursue this relationship, you must quietly observe your person to see if his or her lifestyle bears out their responses to your questions. You must also be prepared to answer the questions for yourself, because your new person has the right to know these things about you as well.

Questions to determine his or her Biblical commitment 
Are you a Christian?
What is your church history?
Where are you serving?
Do you tithe?

Questions to determine his or her relationship capability and commitment
Have you ever cheated in a relationship or marriage?
Have your parents and siblings been faithful in marriage?
Have your exes cheated on you?
Do you have addictions? … (adrenaline, sex, alcohol, drugs, etc?)   

Questions to determine his or her financial commitment
What is your work history?
What are your financial and retirement plans?
Do you know your credit score?
Do you have a savings account?
Would we have a joint checking account?

Questions to determine his or her family commitment

Tell me about your relationship with your children?
Tell me about your in-laws, outlaws and exes?
Tell me about your parents and siblings?
Can I meet these people?

Questions to determine his or her personality type
(Note: Folks smarter than me have determined these four personality types and we have found them to be reliable and predictable. The four types are: Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy and Phlegmatic. Everyone seems to incorporate a combination of two of these types with one being primary. [So a hot tempered, driven achiever who is friendly enough to sell ice to eskimoes would probably be a Choleric/Sanguine] The list of questions below are very brief so we encourage you to do more research on the subject
…)  

Are you innately happy, or are you prone to sadness?
(Melancholies are deep and dark, sometimes moody)

Are you the life of the party or are you reticent in a crowd?
(Sanguines are chatty and popular, sometimes unfaithful)

Do you like to be in control, or go along with the program?
(Cholerics are dominant and opinionated, maybe abusive)

Do you have a need to work, or a need to rest and think?
(Phlegmatics are slow and thoughtful, often boring but loyal)

Questions to determine his or her propensity for a secret life
Are you a morning lark or a night owl?
(Night owls tend to be secretive, morning larks are more open)

I’m sure you can think of a lot more questions you might have asked, just submit them in the comments. We’ll look forward to hearing from you.

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